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Tag Archives: boxer dog rescues

Singles Ad From Benny H.

Valentines Day is fast approaching I better get a jump on it!


SFM (single fawn male) looking for a voluptuous life partner of any breed, size or age. Me: I am about 3 ft tall and 50lbs with outstanding hind muscles and a slight muffin-top. I enjoy wrestling in the mud and smelling people in inappropriate places. I am currently unemployed, live at home with my parents and spend a fair amount of the day licking myself on the couch.  You: are someone who will enjoy an evening by the fire licking peanut butter out of a kong while watching Bruce Lee and Patrick Swayze movies. You are lover of long walks in a off leash park and a special dog who has a certain comfort level with the occasional and unintentional punch to the head (I am a boxer pup who is easily excited after all). We: will be the Beyonce and Jay Z of the dog park.

Cats need not apply!

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Posted by on January 21, 2012 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson # 21 – Christmas Thoughts

Could you resist this face?

I have declared Christmas my favorite day of the year. It is a day filled with such goodness that I shiver with excitement just thinking about it. I learned so much and wanted to share some of my lessons with others.

1. Santa is not perfect

I sent Santa a fairly detailed Christmas wish list and he must have lost it cause 95% of the stuff I was hoping for wasn’t there.  Maybe Santa needs a new assistant, I will scour Craigslist and pass any ideal candidates on to him. Saying that I got some sweet new stuffies and some yummy dehydrated lamb lungs so all is good.

2. Do not take no for an answer.

As you all know Christmas is the day of the almighty feast…turkey, ham, sausages, potatoes, stuffing…(licking my jowls).  Mom tried to do a Bah Humbug on me by informing all our guests that I was not to be fed human food as I had a long car ride the next day and she didn’t want me to be sick. Well things did not work as she planned because as the day got longer the more beverages people had and that’s when I really started to work my charms… a feeble whimper of desperation and starvation, a look so forlorn that even the stingiest of folk would take pity on me, a gentle drop of my head of someone’s lap. I ate so much people food that I was forced to have a nap to help digest all of the yum yums bouncing in my belly.

I think I am gonna start a petition to make Christmas Celebrations at least 2 times a year cause it’s seems kinda foolish to keep such happiness bundled up in such a tiny 24 hour period. Maybe it could be extended to a week or we could make the month of August 4 weeks of non stop feasts, celebrations and presents.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. 🙂

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Posted by on December 31, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Dear Santa Claus…Part 1

Presents Please!

Dear Santa Claus,

Forgive me as I have sinned in the following ways:

a) I have chewed my grannies bra into two

b) I have chewed a back scratcher

c) I dragged my grandpa’s long johns outside in the rain and added three holes

d) I ate the toilet paper

Well, Santa that sin list goes on and on but let me tell you how I have been good cause that’s the important part that’ ll get me goodies.

Acknowledge me Santa as I have done good in the following ways:

a) I share some of the blankets with my Mom in bed

b) I allow Dad to sit next to me on the couch and help him eat chips

c) I sometimes help with the dishes

d) I pick things up off the floor and take them outside (grandpa’s long john’s)

e) I allow some bugs to live

f) I even let dad win the wresting matches sometimes

g) I help aerate the lawn by digging holes

As you can see Santa, I am approximately 75% good and only 25% naughty. Since those are good betting odds, I think I am a shoe in for some great gifts.

Santa please show me some patience as my wish list is quite long and labour intensive….I will keep you posted when it is complete.

To be continued….

xoxo,

Benny H. Wrinklebottom

 
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Posted by on November 26, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #20- Tico -True Specimen of a Dog

  Let me tell you about my best friend Tico.

Tico was an abandoned dog who came to live at my Papa’s place not too long  ago. He is a one and a half year old boxer/ ridgeback and he is top notch specimen of a dog.

Here is the difference between Tico and Me

He is like a a fully charged steam engine…run…..run…….run…..run…..run…..run……run……run….run

I am more like a 12 year lawnmower engine…stall…run…run….sleep….sleep…run…tumble……sleep

He moves like a thoroughbred race horse

I move like an underdeveloped white tailed deer whose had 3 cans of Budweiser

He’s built like a Herculean god

I’m built like Kermit the Frog with a muffin top

He’s strong and brave and faces danger head on while doing patrols of his back yard

I run and hide between the legs of the nearest human at the sight of squirrels

He is a quick learner and looks to his humans for commands

I feel that obedience is an optional exercise and not a true test of intelligence…….

After all, I’m the one with the blog and facebook page…..

Na Na Na Na Boo Boo!!

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Posted by on November 22, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #16 – Ninja Squirrels

Forest Ninja- Beware!

As most of you have figured out, I am an incredibly brave and tough boxer with nerves of steel and muscles like the Incredible Hulk but there is one thing that rattles my bones…Squirrels.

Yeah, some of you might think it’s silly that a dog of my stature would be afraid of a two pound squirrel but I see things in them that most others don’t.

When they look at me, their eyes have no souls and their teeth start chattering…

“kill da dog kill da dog kill da dog.”

They run around armed with hard chestnuts and they are not afraid to use them. I have seen squirrels throw these chestnuts from high trees..like a sniper on his 8th red bull.

They like to represent themselves as these cute little innocent creatures of the forest..they are not…they haunt my dreams and stalk me on trail walks.  I look over my shoulder to find them taunting me, trying to lure me into a range where they could do some serious harm but I am no fool.

I put my tail between my leg and I hightail it out there as fast as I can. In all honesty, I prefer to be brave from a safe distance when it comes to Ninja Squirrels.

I have reassessed my first statement in this blog. I now prefer to call myself “situationally brave.” I am brave when the situation fancies me.     🙂

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Posted by on November 10, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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10 Rules I Love to Break…

Here are my 10 Favorite Rules I Love to Break.

Don’t sniff guests butts- How else am I suppose to get to know these people?

No Begging- YA RIGHT!

No Stepping on Grandpas Head- It’s Huge and hard to avoid.

Stay off the couch- Sleep on the floor…ppleeaassse!

No Chasing Cats- Biologically impossible- I am a beast and they are the demons!

No chewing on Dad’s channel changer- Dads fault for putting it at mouths reach.

No drinking out of the toilet- perfectly good water source.

No nibbling on Uncle Lees Ears- My wrestling foe needs a good nibble.

No Partying after 10pm- Eye Contact= Party Time

No dry humping my stuffies- They need to know whose large and in charge

SOMETIMES IT FEELS SO GOOD TO BE BAD!

 
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Posted by on November 7, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #15- Inside of a Budgie Asylum

Inside of a Budgie Asylum

When I go to a pets store there are two things I like to do:

1. Drag my tongue on anything within mouths reach hoping that Dad will be forced to buy it for me.

2. Sit and watch the budgies.

I find nothing more fascinating that sitting and watching the interactions inside of a budgie cage.

There are about 20 budgies in the cage and they are all deep in conversation. I’m baffled as to what they are discussing.

“you know, that budgie 13  is dating budgie 8”        “no, impossible” replied budgie 17

“did you see budgie 2 shat on budgie 19”                 “disgusting” exclaimed budgie 3

What in the world could they be talking about? They live in a cage so it can’t be the weather. They have very little life experiences yet they don’t stop chatting.  What in their lives is so important that you need to share it with everyone?

There behaviours are manic and bizarre. There is one budgie talking to himself and slamming his beak into a mirror, another one throwing food everywhere. One bird is actually dipping his bottom in a water dish.  Very uncivilized behaviour and yet I am drawn to it like a duck to water. Is this what the inside of a madhouse looks like?

I guess it is no different then people having to take a peek at a car crash…I’m guilty of  needing to watch the inside of a Budgie Asylum.

I know I should show some decency and not stare at this unfortunate situation but what I lack in self control I make up in my appearance.

Forgive me for my faults…

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Posted by on November 4, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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