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Tag Archives: boxer dogs vancouver

Singles Ad From Benny H.

Valentines Day is fast approaching I better get a jump on it!


SFM (single fawn male) looking for a voluptuous life partner of any breed, size or age. Me: I am about 3 ft tall and 50lbs with outstanding hind muscles and a slight muffin-top. I enjoy wrestling in the mud and smelling people in inappropriate places. I am currently unemployed, live at home with my parents and spend a fair amount of the day licking myself on the couch.  You: are someone who will enjoy an evening by the fire licking peanut butter out of a kong while watching Bruce Lee and Patrick Swayze movies. You are lover of long walks in a off leash park and a special dog who has a certain comfort level with the occasional and unintentional punch to the head (I am a boxer pup who is easily excited after all). We: will be the Beyonce and Jay Z of the dog park.

Cats need not apply!

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Posted by on January 21, 2012 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #19- Johnny Walnuts Be Gone

Only a couple of months ago at the dog park, a lady came up to my Mom and thanked her for “fixing” her dog. Mom shot me a weird look and I have never felt so embarrassed in my whole 6 month old life! I was not “fixed.” I was just a late bloomer and now I was publicly outed! I sank my head low to the ground and I wandered off looking for a bug to stomp on.

You see the last month there has been changes in my body and I am starting to develop into a Man dog. I am quite pleased with these new developments. I walk with a new swagger swinging my coveted jewels in the wind.  I like to check on them regularly to ensure that they are still there and have made a special effort at keeping them clean and sparkly for all my friends to see. I notice many of the dogs don’t have them and for that reason I feel that I am extra special and masculine. When I am at the dog park, I will often try to walk in front of my friends so they can admire my posterior art form.

Mom and Dad have also noticed my new-found confidence and they are plotting some sort of evil intervention. I over heard them talking about making an appointment at the vet’s office to deal with my “Johnny Walnuts.” Dad laughs when he says it should only be “Johnny Walnut” cause he can only see one.  What is wrong with these people? Can they not see that I am one of the “Chosen Ones” at the dog park that still have these lovely ornaments?

As much as I love my Biggies, I can not let them proceed with this disastrous idea. I have made a plan and am in the process of implementing it.  I am saving up my Milk Bones and as soon as I get 12, I am digging a hole in my backyard and heading to a place that celebrates my manliness.

As soon as I figure out where this place may be…I am amping up my dirt excavation activities BIG TIME!

Wish me luck and please don’t tell my folks!

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Posted by on November 19, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson # 18- Clarence and Uganda Jack- Patrons of Patience

Against my better judgment I have come to admire two crows. There names are Clarence and Uganda Jack (Clarence’s Adopted Son).

You see they have been my Mama’s friends for about 5 years now and were around when I was just a fart in the wind.

Everyday Clarence and Uganda Jack come to our house and sit on the balcony and stare into the window. Sometimes they will sit for hours and will be rewarded for their patience with a well deserved peanut. About once or twice a week they will regurgitate a small ball of shellfish and leave it as a gift on the balcony railing (Mom doesn’t seem too impressed). When we go for walks they escort us down the road like secret service agents on a top priority mission.

I will often watch them from my living room window and see them flipping over a million different leaves looking for worms. They will do it for hours and hours and then suddenly I will see them fly away with a worm in their mouth. They will meet up on a rooftop and share their prize with their mates or adopted sons.

What I admire about crows is there patience and perseverance. If I had to shake paws for 2 hours to receive a tiny little milkbone, I would give up and walk away after the first minute or so. I, like many others expect immediate gratification and don’t always want to work hard to get the rewards.

I’m gonna put on my Scientist hat and observe these clever creatures. They seem to have stronger virtues than some of the pups and people I know and I want to know why. Are they secret aliens trying to take over the world or just simply smarter than we give them credit for?

As soon as I figure out what a Scientist hat looks like…I am so on this mission of discovery!

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Posted by on November 15, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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The 10 Commandments from a Dogs Perspective

Show me some love- I'll give you my soul.

When Mama read this online she shed a couple of water drops and asked me to share this.

The 10 Commandments, From a Dog’s Perspective

1. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be very painful.

2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.

3. Place your trust in me–it’s crucial to my well-being.

4. Don’t be angry with me for long, and don’t lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment. I have only you.

5. Talk to me. Even if I don’t understand your words, I understand your voice.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.

7. Before you hit me, remember that I have teeth that could easily crush the bones in your hand, but I choose not to bite you.

8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I’ve been out in the sun too long or my heart may be getting old.

9. Take care of me when I get old. You, too, will grow old.

10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, “I can’t bear to watch it” or “Let it happen in my absence.” Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember, I love you.

–Author unknown

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Posted by on November 1, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #13- Howl-o-ween Licks…

Beginning of my Social Demise

Yes..It’s true…I hate Howl-o-ween. I feel it should be renamed:

“dress your dogs up as fools and ruin their street cred day”

I’ve spent weeks trying to build up my status at the dog park and it could be derailed by me showing up dressed as a hot dog or pirate. This is social suicide and psychological terror and yet humans think it’s great fun.

They laugh and take pictures, put us in puppy parades and then post the pictures on the internet. The humiliation then goes viral and then suddenly I’m the laughing-stock of the whole world. I realize for Pugs and the like it is a “rite of passage” but this will do me greater harm then good. I am growing increasingly nervous as my Mom has been on the phone this week plotting my social demise ” Benny would look cute as a butterfly.”

BUTTERFLY! Life is hard enough being a clumsy half sighted boxer dog just working his way up the social ladder and now I have to deal with this.

I’m calling for a worldwide ban on Howl-o-ween…All in support of this idea….

Please Raise Your Paws!

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Posted by on October 28, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Poetry of the Pup- Bugs Haiku

Leaping Crawling Bugs

I pounce on you with my paws

Beware the Boxer!

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Posted by on October 25, 2011 in Poetry from the Pup

 

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Life Lesson # 11- Butt Sniffing 101

Professor Wrinklebottom At Your Service

I am not afraid to say it. I LOVE BUTT SNIFFING. Some of my human friends might think its disgusting but it gives me a world of information about the dog or person. I can tell what they had for breakfast or even what they are feeling. Humans greet by giving handshakes or hugs…dogs smell bums.

Butt sniffing at the dog park is quite a political venture. Much to know about the ins and outs of acceptable butt sniffing etiquette.

Here is what I know so far.

1. Beware the Yelpers- there is a certain percentage of dogs that will Yelp if you attempt a basic sniff. You might be 3 feet away heading in their direction then suddenly they Yelp like they have been kicked in the ribs. Then you have to try to explain yourself to mom or dad- avoid these pups.

2. Some dogs give but will not receive- These dogs like to sniff your rump but when you attempt a reciprocal sniff they jump on your back to dry hump you. Not my favorite thing.

3. Keep it short and sweet. Nobody likes a prolonged lingering butt sniffer. Sniff….get your information….move on.

I personally think there should be a mandatory course in a Butt Sniffing to ensure we are all on the same page. That would lesson confusion and would avoid many puppy conflicts.

Professor Wrinklebottom has a nice ring to it..Don’t you think?

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Posted by on October 24, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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