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Dear Santa H. Claus Part Three….

Dear Santa,

I have to be quick cause I snucked on the computer when mama’s having a rub a dub dub….

There are some things mama made me edit out of my last list to you and I was wondering if you had a few hours to read over my new list of demands….I mean presents.  I realize you are quite busy this time of year so if you do not have a few hours tonight I understand…as long as you have a lot of ink in your printer you could print it out….it probably won’t be longer than about 15 or so pages….if you like I could present the list into chapters or priority presents…what ever you think would be most reader friendly. I would really like to reiterate that these gifts are things that I really need.

Chapter One:

1.  Harley Davidson for dad with a side car attached for ME. Picture this Santa:  Benny H. Wrinklebottom in the sidecar with aviator sunglasses on and a red scarf blowing in the wind. The chicks would totally dig that.

2. Aviator glasses

3. Red scarf

Chapter Two:

I not sure if you do this or not but I think i really would like this.

1. A swift kick to my neighbours butt. He’s a twelve year old boy who thinks it’s funny to taunt me on the other side of the fence.

2. A good pair of steel toe boots in your size that I would return to you for the butt kicking.

Chapter Three:

1. A music studio in my basement. I think i want to be a rap star and I don’t want to commute to a studio if possible (well maybe if I can do in my sidecar…we can discuss that later though)

2. I solid gold necklace with a huge money sign pendent

3. An entourage of super cool dogs to be my “peeps”

Chapter Four:

BOOGER HEAD!!!! Mama’s out of the bath and heading this way….Santa H. Claus….I gotta jet otherwise I be in TROUBLE.

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Posted by on December 22, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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The 10 Commandments from a Dogs Perspective

Show me some love- I'll give you my soul.

When Mama read this online she shed a couple of water drops and asked me to share this.

The 10 Commandments, From a Dog’s Perspective

1. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be very painful.

2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.

3. Place your trust in me–it’s crucial to my well-being.

4. Don’t be angry with me for long, and don’t lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment. I have only you.

5. Talk to me. Even if I don’t understand your words, I understand your voice.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.

7. Before you hit me, remember that I have teeth that could easily crush the bones in your hand, but I choose not to bite you.

8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I’ve been out in the sun too long or my heart may be getting old.

9. Take care of me when I get old. You, too, will grow old.

10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, “I can’t bear to watch it” or “Let it happen in my absence.” Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember, I love you.

–Author unknown

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Posted by on November 1, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson # 6- The Fine Art of Fishing.

Fishing Dog

This past weekend, I did a boys weekend with my Dad and Uncle Lee. They taught me the fine art of fishing.

This is what fishing is all about.

First thing you do is crack open a beer, then you talk a lot and tie knots with the string.

Then you crack another beer, put a hook on the string and then talk a lot more (same stories as before).

Followed by cracking another beer, talking a lot faster and laughing at your own jokes then they drop their strings in the water.

Finally they crack another beer,  they sit for a long time and talk complete gibberish while completely forgetting about their strings in the water.

I’m confused…I thought fishing was a sport?

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Posted by on October 17, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #5- Beware the Temptations

Beware the Tempations!

I have very little self control.  When I find something that I really like I will continue to demolish it or consume it until something crazy happens. For example, I will sometimes eat so much grass that i will eventually throw it up or  I will chase a cat even knowing the end result will be me with a bloody nose.

If an ant looks up at me and give me the stink eye, i will stomp him dead. If dad is eating a juicy steak sandwich, I will drool excessively. If the garbage is smelling like it needs someone to root through it..I am the guy for the job.

These are things i can not control. I have tried for short periods of time (about 6 seconds) to control my impulses but thus far have been unsuccessful.

But truth be told…I think self control is over rated.

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Posted by on October 16, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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