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Life Lesson # 21 – Christmas Thoughts

Could you resist this face?

I have declared Christmas my favorite day of the year. It is a day filled with such goodness that I shiver with excitement just thinking about it. I learned so much and wanted to share some of my lessons with others.

1. Santa is not perfect

I sent Santa a fairly detailed Christmas wish list and he must have lost it cause 95% of the stuff I was hoping for wasn’t there.  Maybe Santa needs a new assistant, I will scour Craigslist and pass any ideal candidates on to him. Saying that I got some sweet new stuffies and some yummy dehydrated lamb lungs so all is good.

2. Do not take no for an answer.

As you all know Christmas is the day of the almighty feast…turkey, ham, sausages, potatoes, stuffing…(licking my jowls).  Mom tried to do a Bah Humbug on me by informing all our guests that I was not to be fed human food as I had a long car ride the next day and she didn’t want me to be sick. Well things did not work as she planned because as the day got longer the more beverages people had and that’s when I really started to work my charms… a feeble whimper of desperation and starvation, a look so forlorn that even the stingiest of folk would take pity on me, a gentle drop of my head of someone’s lap. I ate so much people food that I was forced to have a nap to help digest all of the yum yums bouncing in my belly.

I think I am gonna start a petition to make Christmas Celebrations at least 2 times a year cause it’s seems kinda foolish to keep such happiness bundled up in such a tiny 24 hour period. Maybe it could be extended to a week or we could make the month of August 4 weeks of non stop feasts, celebrations and presents.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. 🙂

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Posted by on December 31, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #17- Emotional Roller Coaster of Hockey

One of the things I do is watch hockey with my Dad.

This how a hockey night looks in our house.

First thing we do it prep for the occasion.

Step 1- Dad grabs a beverage (aka Beer)  and fills up my water dish.

Step 2- Grab snacks- Dad eats chips and I steal chips when dad gets up for a beverage.

Step 3- Park our butts on the couch and turn the volume up for the hockey game.

Next- “The Game”

During the games there is a lot of shouting. Sometimes its is happy shouting such as ” yee ha” or “that’s a beauty.”

Other times its mad shouting like “wheres the referee” or “Luongo sucks.” Sometimes Dad gets so mad he says “Benny I can’t watch this… (bad word)”  then he changes the channel. This usually lasts 5 minutes and he turns the channel back and it is happy shouting ago. Sometimes he likes to pretend he’s the coach and tells me who “needs to be traded” and “that bum should be sent to the Pee Wee league.” I’m glad I don’t play hockey cause one minute  I would be “I’m a rock star caliber player” the next minute “a burnout with lead in his skates.”

My role in all of this is to to ensure that there are no crumbs left for my mom to clean and to provide my Dad with emotional support during this chaotic 3 hours of couch entertainment.

I’m nervous about what is gonna happen when playoff season is here…..

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Posted by on November 13, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson # 14- Singing for the Soul

Singing for the Soul

I have a secret to share…. I love it when my Mama sings to me. A lot of teenagers would be embarrassed at the fact that their Mom still sings them songs…I  can’t get enough!

Mama makes special songs just for me and the occasion.

We we go for trail hikes she sings Do you know the jungle dog…the jungle dog… the jungle dog…his name is Benny.” She sings it loud and proud and often people give her weird looks or laugh when they hear her. I shoot them the stink eye and look up at her and my heart overflows with love.

When we wrestle she sings ” Oompa Oompa Oompa di do…I’m gonna headbutt a little monster like you.”

While singing her eyes sparkle and I can see the joy all over her face. Sometimes she will shake her booty and I will wiggle mine too. Singing and booty shaking is our special thing and it warms my soul like nothing else.

I understand why she likes singing, I often sing in my own head cause when I try to sing aloud it sounds like a trombone being rammed up a goats butt.  I think it is good to have songs in your head, It’s when the songs disappear that you have to worry.

Paws Up to all you singing Fools out there!

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Posted by on November 3, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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The 10 Commandments from a Dogs Perspective

Show me some love- I'll give you my soul.

When Mama read this online she shed a couple of water drops and asked me to share this.

The 10 Commandments, From a Dog’s Perspective

1. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be very painful.

2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.

3. Place your trust in me–it’s crucial to my well-being.

4. Don’t be angry with me for long, and don’t lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment. I have only you.

5. Talk to me. Even if I don’t understand your words, I understand your voice.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.

7. Before you hit me, remember that I have teeth that could easily crush the bones in your hand, but I choose not to bite you.

8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I’ve been out in the sun too long or my heart may be getting old.

9. Take care of me when I get old. You, too, will grow old.

10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, “I can’t bear to watch it” or “Let it happen in my absence.” Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember, I love you.

–Author unknown

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Posted by on November 1, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #13- Howl-o-ween Licks…

Beginning of my Social Demise

Yes..It’s true…I hate Howl-o-ween. I feel it should be renamed:

“dress your dogs up as fools and ruin their street cred day”

I’ve spent weeks trying to build up my status at the dog park and it could be derailed by me showing up dressed as a hot dog or pirate. This is social suicide and psychological terror and yet humans think it’s great fun.

They laugh and take pictures, put us in puppy parades and then post the pictures on the internet. The humiliation then goes viral and then suddenly I’m the laughing-stock of the whole world. I realize for Pugs and the like it is a “rite of passage” but this will do me greater harm then good. I am growing increasingly nervous as my Mom has been on the phone this week plotting my social demise ” Benny would look cute as a butterfly.”

BUTTERFLY! Life is hard enough being a clumsy half sighted boxer dog just working his way up the social ladder and now I have to deal with this.

I’m calling for a worldwide ban on Howl-o-ween…All in support of this idea….

Please Raise Your Paws!

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Posted by on October 28, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Poetry of the Pup- Bugs Haiku

Leaping Crawling Bugs

I pounce on you with my paws

Beware the Boxer!

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Posted by on October 25, 2011 in Poetry from the Pup

 

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Life Lesson # 11- Butt Sniffing 101

Professor Wrinklebottom At Your Service

I am not afraid to say it. I LOVE BUTT SNIFFING. Some of my human friends might think its disgusting but it gives me a world of information about the dog or person. I can tell what they had for breakfast or even what they are feeling. Humans greet by giving handshakes or hugs…dogs smell bums.

Butt sniffing at the dog park is quite a political venture. Much to know about the ins and outs of acceptable butt sniffing etiquette.

Here is what I know so far.

1. Beware the Yelpers- there is a certain percentage of dogs that will Yelp if you attempt a basic sniff. You might be 3 feet away heading in their direction then suddenly they Yelp like they have been kicked in the ribs. Then you have to try to explain yourself to mom or dad- avoid these pups.

2. Some dogs give but will not receive- These dogs like to sniff your rump but when you attempt a reciprocal sniff they jump on your back to dry hump you. Not my favorite thing.

3. Keep it short and sweet. Nobody likes a prolonged lingering butt sniffer. Sniff….get your information….move on.

I personally think there should be a mandatory course in a Butt Sniffing to ensure we are all on the same page. That would lesson confusion and would avoid many puppy conflicts.

Professor Wrinklebottom has a nice ring to it..Don’t you think?

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Posted by on October 24, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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