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Life Lesson # 22- So they call me a Runt.

Runt or Russian Spy??

I recently overhead someone call me a runt. My initial reaction was to perform some of the moves I saw in the Bruce Lee movie Enter the Dragon. Then I decided that this was something that I needed to analyze on an intellectual level.

Step 1:  Research “Runt”

Definition: smallest and weakest of the litter.

Some characters who were also “runts”

Wilbur the pig from Charlottes Web

Jock of Jock of the Bushfeld

Babe the piglet hero from the movie and book ” Babe.”

Step 2: Personal Evaluation:

If being a Runt means…

having the ability to charm a crowd  with a wink of my good eye in about 2.5 seconds or…

knowing that it is especially helpful to bring my dad his shoes when I need to go outside (without being taught this) or…

being able to sit in a car for 6 hours without a single whimper or any sort of fuss on a long road trip or…

surviving 6 months of neglect and abuse in a busted up old crack house without developing a mean bone in my body or…

knowing to give my family lots of love cause I know what’s it’s like to go without.

Well, then DANG It! I am a runt and proud of it. I may not be the strongest, fastest or a nuclear scientist but I am pretty good at a lot of things.

I think I might form a gang composed entirely of “runts.” We’ll be like superheroes…We’ll have a secret pawshake….I’ll design cool capes and bandannas….“we’ll do good while looking good”…..that will be our slogan!

Watch out world here we come…

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Posted by on January 4, 2012 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson # 21 – Christmas Thoughts

Could you resist this face?

I have declared Christmas my favorite day of the year. It is a day filled with such goodness that I shiver with excitement just thinking about it. I learned so much and wanted to share some of my lessons with others.

1. Santa is not perfect

I sent Santa a fairly detailed Christmas wish list and he must have lost it cause 95% of the stuff I was hoping for wasn’t there.  Maybe Santa needs a new assistant, I will scour Craigslist and pass any ideal candidates on to him. Saying that I got some sweet new stuffies and some yummy dehydrated lamb lungs so all is good.

2. Do not take no for an answer.

As you all know Christmas is the day of the almighty feast…turkey, ham, sausages, potatoes, stuffing…(licking my jowls).  Mom tried to do a Bah Humbug on me by informing all our guests that I was not to be fed human food as I had a long car ride the next day and she didn’t want me to be sick. Well things did not work as she planned because as the day got longer the more beverages people had and that’s when I really started to work my charms… a feeble whimper of desperation and starvation, a look so forlorn that even the stingiest of folk would take pity on me, a gentle drop of my head of someone’s lap. I ate so much people food that I was forced to have a nap to help digest all of the yum yums bouncing in my belly.

I think I am gonna start a petition to make Christmas Celebrations at least 2 times a year cause it’s seems kinda foolish to keep such happiness bundled up in such a tiny 24 hour period. Maybe it could be extended to a week or we could make the month of August 4 weeks of non stop feasts, celebrations and presents.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. 🙂

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Posted by on December 31, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson # 18- Clarence and Uganda Jack- Patrons of Patience

Against my better judgment I have come to admire two crows. There names are Clarence and Uganda Jack (Clarence’s Adopted Son).

You see they have been my Mama’s friends for about 5 years now and were around when I was just a fart in the wind.

Everyday Clarence and Uganda Jack come to our house and sit on the balcony and stare into the window. Sometimes they will sit for hours and will be rewarded for their patience with a well deserved peanut. About once or twice a week they will regurgitate a small ball of shellfish and leave it as a gift on the balcony railing (Mom doesn’t seem too impressed). When we go for walks they escort us down the road like secret service agents on a top priority mission.

I will often watch them from my living room window and see them flipping over a million different leaves looking for worms. They will do it for hours and hours and then suddenly I will see them fly away with a worm in their mouth. They will meet up on a rooftop and share their prize with their mates or adopted sons.

What I admire about crows is there patience and perseverance. If I had to shake paws for 2 hours to receive a tiny little milkbone, I would give up and walk away after the first minute or so. I, like many others expect immediate gratification and don’t always want to work hard to get the rewards.

I’m gonna put on my Scientist hat and observe these clever creatures. They seem to have stronger virtues than some of the pups and people I know and I want to know why. Are they secret aliens trying to take over the world or just simply smarter than we give them credit for?

As soon as I figure out what a Scientist hat looks like…I am so on this mission of discovery!

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Posted by on November 15, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #16 – Ninja Squirrels

Forest Ninja- Beware!

As most of you have figured out, I am an incredibly brave and tough boxer with nerves of steel and muscles like the Incredible Hulk but there is one thing that rattles my bones…Squirrels.

Yeah, some of you might think it’s silly that a dog of my stature would be afraid of a two pound squirrel but I see things in them that most others don’t.

When they look at me, their eyes have no souls and their teeth start chattering…

“kill da dog kill da dog kill da dog.”

They run around armed with hard chestnuts and they are not afraid to use them. I have seen squirrels throw these chestnuts from high trees..like a sniper on his 8th red bull.

They like to represent themselves as these cute little innocent creatures of the forest..they are not…they haunt my dreams and stalk me on trail walks.  I look over my shoulder to find them taunting me, trying to lure me into a range where they could do some serious harm but I am no fool.

I put my tail between my leg and I hightail it out there as fast as I can. In all honesty, I prefer to be brave from a safe distance when it comes to Ninja Squirrels.

I have reassessed my first statement in this blog. I now prefer to call myself “situationally brave.” I am brave when the situation fancies me.     🙂

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Posted by on November 10, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson # 14- Singing for the Soul

Singing for the Soul

I have a secret to share…. I love it when my Mama sings to me. A lot of teenagers would be embarrassed at the fact that their Mom still sings them songs…I  can’t get enough!

Mama makes special songs just for me and the occasion.

We we go for trail hikes she sings Do you know the jungle dog…the jungle dog… the jungle dog…his name is Benny.” She sings it loud and proud and often people give her weird looks or laugh when they hear her. I shoot them the stink eye and look up at her and my heart overflows with love.

When we wrestle she sings ” Oompa Oompa Oompa di do…I’m gonna headbutt a little monster like you.”

While singing her eyes sparkle and I can see the joy all over her face. Sometimes she will shake her booty and I will wiggle mine too. Singing and booty shaking is our special thing and it warms my soul like nothing else.

I understand why she likes singing, I often sing in my own head cause when I try to sing aloud it sounds like a trombone being rammed up a goats butt.  I think it is good to have songs in your head, It’s when the songs disappear that you have to worry.

Paws Up to all you singing Fools out there!

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Posted by on November 3, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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The 10 Commandments from a Dogs Perspective

Show me some love- I'll give you my soul.

When Mama read this online she shed a couple of water drops and asked me to share this.

The 10 Commandments, From a Dog’s Perspective

1. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be very painful.

2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.

3. Place your trust in me–it’s crucial to my well-being.

4. Don’t be angry with me for long, and don’t lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment. I have only you.

5. Talk to me. Even if I don’t understand your words, I understand your voice.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.

7. Before you hit me, remember that I have teeth that could easily crush the bones in your hand, but I choose not to bite you.

8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I’ve been out in the sun too long or my heart may be getting old.

9. Take care of me when I get old. You, too, will grow old.

10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, “I can’t bear to watch it” or “Let it happen in my absence.” Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember, I love you.

–Author unknown

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Posted by on November 1, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #10- Torture of the Pot Roast

On the edge of insanity!

I am very upset about something. I think I need to sit my Mom down and have a serious conversation about whats occurred.

You see 3 days ago my Mom came home from the shops and immediately I could detect from the smell coming out of the grocery bag, there was something in there that I should eat.

She then takes a roast out of the wrapper and puts it in a pan with lots of other great scents and deposits it in the oven. MISTAKE #1- she should have consumed it right then…If given the chance I would have.

Then for hours and hours the aroma permeates the house and my body. I decide the best thing for me to do is to patrol the front of the oven to keep this olfactory sensation safe from harm. Dad gets home ” Damn woman smells great.”

Mom then takes this delightful chunk of meat out of the oven and dishes it out on two plates. MISTAKE #2- She did not reach for my dog dish for my serving. She seems to have forgotten my role in patrolling the oven.

They devour every bite…I can’t control myself from begging…there is drool coming out of my jowls…my body is quivering watching them eat the meal that I should be enjoying. Dad takes pity on me and chucks me a half inch morsel of the roast. MISTAKE #3– If i was a mouse I am sure that would be sufficient. Given that am 40 pound Boxer without an eating disorder this is clearly unacceptable.

I am still traumatized from this event. It has been 3 days and I can still smell the meat that I was denied.Two hours ago they threw the remainder of the meat away…. I am having horrific flashbacks of this moment. MISTAKE #4– Why throw perfectly good meat away!!

Someone please explain to me when my parents lost their brains.

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Posted by on October 22, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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