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Tag Archives: pet friendly vancouver

Singles Ad From Benny H.

Valentines Day is fast approaching I better get a jump on it!


SFM (single fawn male) looking for a voluptuous life partner of any breed, size or age. Me: I am about 3 ft tall and 50lbs with outstanding hind muscles and a slight muffin-top. I enjoy wrestling in the mud and smelling people in inappropriate places. I am currently unemployed, live at home with my parents and spend a fair amount of the day licking myself on the couch.  You: are someone who will enjoy an evening by the fire licking peanut butter out of a kong while watching Bruce Lee and Patrick Swayze movies. You are lover of long walks in a off leash park and a special dog who has a certain comfort level with the occasional and unintentional punch to the head (I am a boxer pup who is easily excited after all). We: will be the Beyonce and Jay Z of the dog park.

Cats need not apply!

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Posted by on January 21, 2012 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #20- Tico -True Specimen of a Dog

  Let me tell you about my best friend Tico.

Tico was an abandoned dog who came to live at my Papa’s place not too long  ago. He is a one and a half year old boxer/ ridgeback and he is top notch specimen of a dog.

Here is the difference between Tico and Me

He is like a a fully charged steam engine…run…..run…….run…..run…..run…..run……run……run….run

I am more like a 12 year lawnmower engine…stall…run…run….sleep….sleep…run…tumble……sleep

He moves like a thoroughbred race horse

I move like an underdeveloped white tailed deer whose had 3 cans of Budweiser

He’s built like a Herculean god

I’m built like Kermit the Frog with a muffin top

He’s strong and brave and faces danger head on while doing patrols of his back yard

I run and hide between the legs of the nearest human at the sight of squirrels

He is a quick learner and looks to his humans for commands

I feel that obedience is an optional exercise and not a true test of intelligence…….

After all, I’m the one with the blog and facebook page…..

Na Na Na Na Boo Boo!!

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Posted by on November 22, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #19- Johnny Walnuts Be Gone

Only a couple of months ago at the dog park, a lady came up to my Mom and thanked her for “fixing” her dog. Mom shot me a weird look and I have never felt so embarrassed in my whole 6 month old life! I was not “fixed.” I was just a late bloomer and now I was publicly outed! I sank my head low to the ground and I wandered off looking for a bug to stomp on.

You see the last month there has been changes in my body and I am starting to develop into a Man dog. I am quite pleased with these new developments. I walk with a new swagger swinging my coveted jewels in the wind.  I like to check on them regularly to ensure that they are still there and have made a special effort at keeping them clean and sparkly for all my friends to see. I notice many of the dogs don’t have them and for that reason I feel that I am extra special and masculine. When I am at the dog park, I will often try to walk in front of my friends so they can admire my posterior art form.

Mom and Dad have also noticed my new-found confidence and they are plotting some sort of evil intervention. I over heard them talking about making an appointment at the vet’s office to deal with my “Johnny Walnuts.” Dad laughs when he says it should only be “Johnny Walnut” cause he can only see one.  What is wrong with these people? Can they not see that I am one of the “Chosen Ones” at the dog park that still have these lovely ornaments?

As much as I love my Biggies, I can not let them proceed with this disastrous idea. I have made a plan and am in the process of implementing it.  I am saving up my Milk Bones and as soon as I get 12, I am digging a hole in my backyard and heading to a place that celebrates my manliness.

As soon as I figure out where this place may be…I am amping up my dirt excavation activities BIG TIME!

Wish me luck and please don’t tell my folks!

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Posted by on November 19, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #17- Emotional Roller Coaster of Hockey

One of the things I do is watch hockey with my Dad.

This how a hockey night looks in our house.

First thing we do it prep for the occasion.

Step 1- Dad grabs a beverage (aka Beer)  and fills up my water dish.

Step 2- Grab snacks- Dad eats chips and I steal chips when dad gets up for a beverage.

Step 3- Park our butts on the couch and turn the volume up for the hockey game.

Next- “The Game”

During the games there is a lot of shouting. Sometimes its is happy shouting such as ” yee ha” or “that’s a beauty.”

Other times its mad shouting like “wheres the referee” or “Luongo sucks.” Sometimes Dad gets so mad he says “Benny I can’t watch this… (bad word)”  then he changes the channel. This usually lasts 5 minutes and he turns the channel back and it is happy shouting ago. Sometimes he likes to pretend he’s the coach and tells me who “needs to be traded” and “that bum should be sent to the Pee Wee league.” I’m glad I don’t play hockey cause one minute  I would be “I’m a rock star caliber player” the next minute “a burnout with lead in his skates.”

My role in all of this is to to ensure that there are no crumbs left for my mom to clean and to provide my Dad with emotional support during this chaotic 3 hours of couch entertainment.

I’m nervous about what is gonna happen when playoff season is here…..

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Posted by on November 13, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson # 14- Singing for the Soul

Singing for the Soul

I have a secret to share…. I love it when my Mama sings to me. A lot of teenagers would be embarrassed at the fact that their Mom still sings them songs…I  can’t get enough!

Mama makes special songs just for me and the occasion.

We we go for trail hikes she sings Do you know the jungle dog…the jungle dog… the jungle dog…his name is Benny.” She sings it loud and proud and often people give her weird looks or laugh when they hear her. I shoot them the stink eye and look up at her and my heart overflows with love.

When we wrestle she sings ” Oompa Oompa Oompa di do…I’m gonna headbutt a little monster like you.”

While singing her eyes sparkle and I can see the joy all over her face. Sometimes she will shake her booty and I will wiggle mine too. Singing and booty shaking is our special thing and it warms my soul like nothing else.

I understand why she likes singing, I often sing in my own head cause when I try to sing aloud it sounds like a trombone being rammed up a goats butt.  I think it is good to have songs in your head, It’s when the songs disappear that you have to worry.

Paws Up to all you singing Fools out there!

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Posted by on November 3, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #13- Howl-o-ween Licks…

Beginning of my Social Demise

Yes..It’s true…I hate Howl-o-ween. I feel it should be renamed:

“dress your dogs up as fools and ruin their street cred day”

I’ve spent weeks trying to build up my status at the dog park and it could be derailed by me showing up dressed as a hot dog or pirate. This is social suicide and psychological terror and yet humans think it’s great fun.

They laugh and take pictures, put us in puppy parades and then post the pictures on the internet. The humiliation then goes viral and then suddenly I’m the laughing-stock of the whole world. I realize for Pugs and the like it is a “rite of passage” but this will do me greater harm then good. I am growing increasingly nervous as my Mom has been on the phone this week plotting my social demise ” Benny would look cute as a butterfly.”

BUTTERFLY! Life is hard enough being a clumsy half sighted boxer dog just working his way up the social ladder and now I have to deal with this.

I’m calling for a worldwide ban on Howl-o-ween…All in support of this idea….

Please Raise Your Paws!

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Posted by on October 28, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson # 12- Trapped in the Wrong Body.

I always knew that I was different from other pups. I felt trapped and confused and Eureka! I finally figured it out.

I am a TransHuman. A human trapped in a dogs body.

Before you say “poppycock” let me explain my reasoning.

  1. I have never had any desire to eat dog food. Dryed up little kibble served on the floor in a tin dish is disgusting and quite degrading (if you want to know my true opinion). I have always felt a need to eat human food such as Filet Mignon and T-bones steaks.
  2. I prefer the company of humans. I like their smells and they smother me with the attention that I rightfully deserve. Dogs are okay but I do have to tolerate many unacceptable behaviours such a dry humping and theft of personal belongings.
  3. My intelligence sometimes overwhelms me. I have all these wonderful ideas and I am unable to execute them “because I’m a dog.”

The list could go on and on. Let me assure you that this is not a choice…I was born this way…I don’t think I can fight it any longer. I can not continue to pretend to be something I am not.

It’s time that I start exploring some options.

Any suggestions would be helpful…

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Posted by on October 26, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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