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A day in the life…

A Typical Day Looks Something Like This:

6:30   Big stretch on bed, kick mama in ribs a couple of times to let her know I’m still there.

7:00  Jump out of bed, go outside to take care of business and then sit by the fridge- wait for hot dog.

8:00   Still waiting for morning hot dog. Mom puts dog food on the floor. I pretend not to see it.

8:30   When mom leaves room, take a few bites of kibble, spit on the floor in disgust.

9:00    Car Ride and Dog Park.

9:15    Dog Park:  Run, chase, sniff, wee, poo, wrestle, hide, hop, gallop, bounce and roll.

11:00   Arrive home- morning siesta……zzzzzzz

1:00    Ground patrol for any food nuggets that Dad might have dropped after lunch. Reluctantly eat my kibble.

2:00    Chew time- sometimes it’s channel changers, bras, shoes, stuffies, xbox controllers, towels.

4:00    High speed run in the backyard, roll in something good…howl when mom tries to wipe my feet.

5:00    Dinner supervision- sit in front of oven, sit at peoples feet as they eat, beg, drool, pout, moan.

5:30    Reluctantly eat more kibble.

6:00    Wrestlemania 612 with a big panda stuffie named Boris. Victory rewarded with Peanut butter in Kong.

6:30    Last ground patrol of evening, drag tongue on floor in front of oven.

7:00    Jump on dads head- watch hockey – beg for popcorn.

8:00    Stretch out my bones on bed and dream about my days events. ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Posted by on January 16, 2012 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson # 22- So they call me a Runt.

Runt or Russian Spy??

I recently overhead someone call me a runt. My initial reaction was to perform some of the moves I saw in the Bruce Lee movie Enter the Dragon. Then I decided that this was something that I needed to analyze on an intellectual level.

Step 1:  Research “Runt”

Definition: smallest and weakest of the litter.

Some characters who were also “runts”

Wilbur the pig from Charlottes Web

Jock of Jock of the Bushfeld

Babe the piglet hero from the movie and book ” Babe.”

Step 2: Personal Evaluation:

If being a Runt means…

having the ability to charm a crowd  with a wink of my good eye in about 2.5 seconds or…

knowing that it is especially helpful to bring my dad his shoes when I need to go outside (without being taught this) or…

being able to sit in a car for 6 hours without a single whimper or any sort of fuss on a long road trip or…

surviving 6 months of neglect and abuse in a busted up old crack house without developing a mean bone in my body or…

knowing to give my family lots of love cause I know what’s it’s like to go without.

Well, then DANG It! I am a runt and proud of it. I may not be the strongest, fastest or a nuclear scientist but I am pretty good at a lot of things.

I think I might form a gang composed entirely of “runts.” We’ll be like superheroes…We’ll have a secret pawshake….I’ll design cool capes and bandannas….“we’ll do good while looking good”…..that will be our slogan!

Watch out world here we come…

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Posted by on January 4, 2012 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #20- Tico -True Specimen of a Dog

  Let me tell you about my best friend Tico.

Tico was an abandoned dog who came to live at my Papa’s place not too long  ago. He is a one and a half year old boxer/ ridgeback and he is top notch specimen of a dog.

Here is the difference between Tico and Me

He is like a a fully charged steam engine…run…..run…….run…..run…..run…..run……run……run….run

I am more like a 12 year lawnmower engine…stall…run…run….sleep….sleep…run…tumble……sleep

He moves like a thoroughbred race horse

I move like an underdeveloped white tailed deer whose had 3 cans of Budweiser

He’s built like a Herculean god

I’m built like Kermit the Frog with a muffin top

He’s strong and brave and faces danger head on while doing patrols of his back yard

I run and hide between the legs of the nearest human at the sight of squirrels

He is a quick learner and looks to his humans for commands

I feel that obedience is an optional exercise and not a true test of intelligence…….

After all, I’m the one with the blog and facebook page…..

Na Na Na Na Boo Boo!!

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Posted by on November 22, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #19- Johnny Walnuts Be Gone

Only a couple of months ago at the dog park, a lady came up to my Mom and thanked her for “fixing” her dog. Mom shot me a weird look and I have never felt so embarrassed in my whole 6 month old life! I was not “fixed.” I was just a late bloomer and now I was publicly outed! I sank my head low to the ground and I wandered off looking for a bug to stomp on.

You see the last month there has been changes in my body and I am starting to develop into a Man dog. I am quite pleased with these new developments. I walk with a new swagger swinging my coveted jewels in the wind.  I like to check on them regularly to ensure that they are still there and have made a special effort at keeping them clean and sparkly for all my friends to see. I notice many of the dogs don’t have them and for that reason I feel that I am extra special and masculine. When I am at the dog park, I will often try to walk in front of my friends so they can admire my posterior art form.

Mom and Dad have also noticed my new-found confidence and they are plotting some sort of evil intervention. I over heard them talking about making an appointment at the vet’s office to deal with my “Johnny Walnuts.” Dad laughs when he says it should only be “Johnny Walnut” cause he can only see one.  What is wrong with these people? Can they not see that I am one of the “Chosen Ones” at the dog park that still have these lovely ornaments?

As much as I love my Biggies, I can not let them proceed with this disastrous idea. I have made a plan and am in the process of implementing it.  I am saving up my Milk Bones and as soon as I get 12, I am digging a hole in my backyard and heading to a place that celebrates my manliness.

As soon as I figure out where this place may be…I am amping up my dirt excavation activities BIG TIME!

Wish me luck and please don’t tell my folks!

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Posted by on November 19, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #15- Inside of a Budgie Asylum

Inside of a Budgie Asylum

When I go to a pets store there are two things I like to do:

1. Drag my tongue on anything within mouths reach hoping that Dad will be forced to buy it for me.

2. Sit and watch the budgies.

I find nothing more fascinating that sitting and watching the interactions inside of a budgie cage.

There are about 20 budgies in the cage and they are all deep in conversation. I’m baffled as to what they are discussing.

“you know, that budgie 13  is dating budgie 8”        “no, impossible” replied budgie 17

“did you see budgie 2 shat on budgie 19”                 “disgusting” exclaimed budgie 3

What in the world could they be talking about? They live in a cage so it can’t be the weather. They have very little life experiences yet they don’t stop chatting.  What in their lives is so important that you need to share it with everyone?

There behaviours are manic and bizarre. There is one budgie talking to himself and slamming his beak into a mirror, another one throwing food everywhere. One bird is actually dipping his bottom in a water dish.  Very uncivilized behaviour and yet I am drawn to it like a duck to water. Is this what the inside of a madhouse looks like?

I guess it is no different then people having to take a peek at a car crash…I’m guilty of  needing to watch the inside of a Budgie Asylum.

I know I should show some decency and not stare at this unfortunate situation but what I lack in self control I make up in my appearance.

Forgive me for my faults…

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Posted by on November 4, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson # 14- Singing for the Soul

Singing for the Soul

I have a secret to share…. I love it when my Mama sings to me. A lot of teenagers would be embarrassed at the fact that their Mom still sings them songs…I  can’t get enough!

Mama makes special songs just for me and the occasion.

We we go for trail hikes she sings Do you know the jungle dog…the jungle dog… the jungle dog…his name is Benny.” She sings it loud and proud and often people give her weird looks or laugh when they hear her. I shoot them the stink eye and look up at her and my heart overflows with love.

When we wrestle she sings ” Oompa Oompa Oompa di do…I’m gonna headbutt a little monster like you.”

While singing her eyes sparkle and I can see the joy all over her face. Sometimes she will shake her booty and I will wiggle mine too. Singing and booty shaking is our special thing and it warms my soul like nothing else.

I understand why she likes singing, I often sing in my own head cause when I try to sing aloud it sounds like a trombone being rammed up a goats butt.  I think it is good to have songs in your head, It’s when the songs disappear that you have to worry.

Paws Up to all you singing Fools out there!

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Posted by on November 3, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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The 10 Commandments from a Dogs Perspective

Show me some love- I'll give you my soul.

When Mama read this online she shed a couple of water drops and asked me to share this.

The 10 Commandments, From a Dog’s Perspective

1. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be very painful.

2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.

3. Place your trust in me–it’s crucial to my well-being.

4. Don’t be angry with me for long, and don’t lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment. I have only you.

5. Talk to me. Even if I don’t understand your words, I understand your voice.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.

7. Before you hit me, remember that I have teeth that could easily crush the bones in your hand, but I choose not to bite you.

8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I’ve been out in the sun too long or my heart may be getting old.

9. Take care of me when I get old. You, too, will grow old.

10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, “I can’t bear to watch it” or “Let it happen in my absence.” Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember, I love you.

–Author unknown

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Posted by on November 1, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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