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Life Lesson # 23- For the love of Peanut Butter

I am in love….with peanut butter. It is one of the most splendid

Peanut Butter Please!

things on earth and I would do just about anything to receive a spoonful of this delicious treat. It is the thing that gets me through these long winter months, it is the bounce in my step, it is the swagger in my walk, It is my friend.

The thought of peanut butter makes my heart race,  my mouth starts salivating and my mind gets consumed with ways to get more.  My mom knows my love for this heavenly treat and yet she only supplies small rations inside of a kong. Sometimes she forces me to do things I do not want to do for more. She makes me sit, go down, stay, come, go to bed….all cruel and unnecessary evils but she knows my weaknesses and she takes full advantage.

I have tried numerous times to break into a jar of Peanut Butter but it is all but impossible. The jar of PB is a result of a genius engineering design that purposely was made to keep doggy paws out. Damn those engineers!

I will often try to work my “pity me” look on other members of the family. They will often fall prey to my plan but then they will hand me a dried up milkbone. I look them directly in the eyes and then spit this unacceptable substitute on the floor. If only I had a tongue that knew how to form words I would yell ” no you fools, I would like my beloved Peanut Butter.” But no, I can not do that so I just have to sit and suffer. I am at the mercy of others and It is not a nice feeling. I feel powerless.

My plan this week is to do so many sit, stays and comes as possible, hoping Mom will fill my peanut butter desires.

If that doesn’t work,I will pounce on that peanut butter jar with such vigor….

Wish me luck 🙂

 
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Posted by on January 7, 2012 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson #19- Johnny Walnuts Be Gone

Only a couple of months ago at the dog park, a lady came up to my Mom and thanked her for “fixing” her dog. Mom shot me a weird look and I have never felt so embarrassed in my whole 6 month old life! I was not “fixed.” I was just a late bloomer and now I was publicly outed! I sank my head low to the ground and I wandered off looking for a bug to stomp on.

You see the last month there has been changes in my body and I am starting to develop into a Man dog. I am quite pleased with these new developments. I walk with a new swagger swinging my coveted jewels in the wind.  I like to check on them regularly to ensure that they are still there and have made a special effort at keeping them clean and sparkly for all my friends to see. I notice many of the dogs don’t have them and for that reason I feel that I am extra special and masculine. When I am at the dog park, I will often try to walk in front of my friends so they can admire my posterior art form.

Mom and Dad have also noticed my new-found confidence and they are plotting some sort of evil intervention. I over heard them talking about making an appointment at the vet’s office to deal with my “Johnny Walnuts.” Dad laughs when he says it should only be “Johnny Walnut” cause he can only see one.  What is wrong with these people? Can they not see that I am one of the “Chosen Ones” at the dog park that still have these lovely ornaments?

As much as I love my Biggies, I can not let them proceed with this disastrous idea. I have made a plan and am in the process of implementing it.  I am saving up my Milk Bones and as soon as I get 12, I am digging a hole in my backyard and heading to a place that celebrates my manliness.

As soon as I figure out where this place may be…I am amping up my dirt excavation activities BIG TIME!

Wish me luck and please don’t tell my folks!

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Posted by on November 19, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson # 7- Classifications of Dogs

Sales Associate

I hear many people talking about different types of dogs and I think they have it all wrong. They say things like “that’s one of those yappy dogs” or “eww careful that’s a bully type dog.”

Since I am a 7 month old boxer with a dogwood in puppy perception, I have it all figured it.

CEO/ Upper Management- These dogs act quite distinguished and demand a lot of respect. They often walk around in designer clothes and can be seen wearing boots. They may or may not give you the time of day at the dog beach.  Breeds that might fall into these categories include the chihuahua, french bulldogs, pugs etc. Everyone knows that a pug is always right and generally the ruler of a household or dog park.

Middle Management- These are the dogs that yearn to be in the upper management role but haven’t quite got the experience or know how. Easy to identify at the dog beach as they are the one licking the jowls of the CEO’s. They can sometimes be seen wearing bow ties and tripping over the CEO’s leashes. Breeds vary in this category.

Sales/ Business Development– These are the charmers of the dog world. The walk around with big smiles on their faces and a constant wiggle. A quick wink and you are puddy in the paws. They wear very little clothes because their personalities shine. They will allow others to play and will share a stick. Breeds might include retrievers, mixed breeds, most other dogs.

I am in the junior sales department. My sales strategy: flash my pearly white under-bite, amp up my wiggle 10 fold and then pounce…. humans could learn a little something from this technique.

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Posted by on October 18, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson 4- Coming out of the Closet

Like my fella dogs, one of my arch enemies is the Cat. Lets face it…they get all kind of privileges that aren’t available to us dogs. They get to jump on counters and windowsills, have their own toilet facilities inside, get fed fancy tinned food and get to sit on grandpa’s head. I am not allowed to do any of the above. Therefore it is my duty to level the playing field by chasing them. When i chase them and catch them my mom says “leave the poor cat alone” when the cat goes ninja on me and plants a claw in my nose mom says ” serves ya right bonehead.”  This is one of the many reasons why us dogs have made it a personal mission to destroy cats.

So now this is where i need to come clean….after much internal debate i have decided to allow a cat to be my friend. Don’t get me wrong my personal vendetta against cats is still on but Maggie the Cat is off-limits.

You see she isn’t just a regular cat..she’s much different…my grandpa says “her brain is still developing.” She is the type of cat who will chase me around the kitchen, sleep with me, rub up against me and play with some of my toys.  She is addicted to spinning around on the office chair at high speeds with my grandpa’s help but she just keeps going back for more. Nobody is perfect I suppose.

Tomorrow I am gonna teach Maggie how to be a dog.

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Posted by on October 13, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Life Lesson # 1- The Fairness of the Fart

Beware the Covered Wagon

Some days i like to stretch out my bones in the backseat of the car and unbeknown to me a little toot may escape from my backside. Next thing I know my folks are rolling down the window, dry gagging and calling me a “stinky little brute.”

Now this is where i am confused. When dad lets a monster fart go (I’m a gentlemen..i like mine soft and subtle) he lifts his one butt cheek, smiles and then turns to me and says “that’s what I’m talking about Benny.”

Would someone please explain the bizarre behaviour to me??

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Posted by on October 11, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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Let Me Introduce Myself…I’m Benny Wrinklebottom….Rescue Dog Extraordinaire!

My Name is Benny H. Wrinklebottom, a one eyed boxer puppy from Vancouver Canada. I was rescued from a home where there were eight other boxers (all my friends of course!) but the house was way too small and kinda crazy.  When I left the house that day, my new mom called my old one a hoarder (whatever that means) and commented on the the horrible rats running around the property.

My new life began…I now go for walks, camping, dog parks, learned how to walk on a leash, to sit and to go down. Learning new things everyday…yesterday i learned how to drink out of the toilet (i’m terribly clever as you can tell).

I decided to start this blog to show the world how wonderfully smart a rescue dog can be!

 
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Posted by on October 11, 2011 in Life Lessons

 

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